Wednesday, Nov. 26, 2003
Sometimes shit just ticks me off.
Sometimes I wish that I hadn't told people about this diary so that I wouldn't always try to sound upbeat and positive all the time in this thing in order to avoid allowing people a glimpse of my shortcomings and insecurities.
Like today. Something is bugging me a lot. But, I really don't have the balls to write about it because I don't want people who know me to know about it. Which is pretty gay. But, I'm not ready to share it with them and don't know if I ever will share it with them. Its just something I want to type up in writing to get out of my system, mull over, and, hopefully, gain some clarity on.
But, I'm not going to do it because too many people I know see this thing and I'll probably get tons of phone calls asking me whats wrong and telling me that whatever the issue is is not true. Which I don't need to hear...I just need an arena to get these type of feelings, which tend to be rare with me, out and in the open so that I can acknowledge them and then move on.
Also, I know there are a few other people who read this diary and I will not give them the satisfaction of reading about my personnal issues and allowing them to take joy in the fact that at the moment there is an insecurity nagging at me.
Who knows, maybe its time I started a secret journal or something. Or maybe its time that Ted-ted grabbs hold of the massive set of balls that have, apparently shrunk from their former size, and just sucks it up, says what she wants to say, and does not give a fuck who reads it or what anyone thinks.
Chances are I'll get pissed off enough to do just that. So, stay tuned as there could be a great bitch fest coming up.
PS - Other than this thing bugging me, things are going great. Have a lot of school work to get done over break, but I'm looking forward to having a couple of days off.
Oh and...
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Eat lots of tastey turkey and other Thanksgiving treats and enjoy having family and friends near. Oh, and take advantage of those day after Thanksgiving sales too! I know I will! ;)
ted-ted at 11:08 a.m.