Wednesday, Jan. 05, 2005
A little bit introspective for once.
As funny as my drunken entry is, me thinks it is time to post something new as this is not really the first image I wish to portray to those new to my diary. Not that such people exist, but you know, I like to convince myself otherwise.
Anyways, I simply can not believe the new year is upon us. 2004 flew by so quickly and 2005 is sure to bring lots of intersting stuff. There are lots of changes on the horizon for Ted-ted and I can't wait to see all of them beging to take place.
First up is the initial portion of my student teaching. I'm a bit nervous about this and worry how well I will do. My course load this semester is substantial and I'm concerned this will interfer with the time I want to spend on the actual teaching aspect in order to do a good job. I know that I really should not have anything to worry about, but there are always nagging doubts before any new endeavor begins. This student teaching placement is no exception, so until I jump in there and get my feet wet, I'll remain a bit aprehensive about the whole thing. Personally, I think such feelings are a good thing as it will keep me on my toes and keep me motivated.
Also, lots of fun stuff coming up in 2005. Parties, weddings, vacations, birthdays, and my own college graduation! I can not believe that I've actually arrived at this point. I'm going to be graduating college this year and the thought totally freaks me out. I never imagined that the four years that make up college would fly by so fast, but my God they did. One big blur if you ask me.
College of Charleston, sorority life, and all those other memories seem to be such distant memories right now. I feel like I've been at WSC forever. Don't get me wrong, my time in SC was wonderful. I loved the school, the people, and the time I spent there, but I'm reassured everyday that I made the right decision to come back home. Seeing my nephew grow, coming back home to lifelong friends who I adore, making new friends who I'll stay in contact with forever, working at the salon, etc, etc, etc. Its all helped to fufill and complete my life.
Charleston was simply school, sorority, friends, and a couple of relatives. There is so much more going on up here than there ever was down there. I don't know if that is the result of my comfort level here or what exactly I can attribute this factor too. Whatever it is though, I've opened more doors, have more opportunitites, and really feel like I can shine in every aspect of my life here...more so than in Charleston.
Another exciting prospect in 2005 is that Ted-ted, single, happy, independent Ted-ted is so ready to jump into the dating waters. I wasn't ready for a looooonnnnng time. Don't know why, but I wasn't. No good reason for it, but I know myself very well, I have always been very introspective, and just sort of knew that it wasn't right for me to have a guy in the picture.
Now, I finally realize that, yes, I am ready for some type of relationship. I need to kiss some frogs to find my prince and thats something I'm finally willing to do. Marriage, children, all those ideas seem a little more tangible at this stage than they ever have before. Don't go getting all worked up though, they probably won't happen for some time, but the thought of them is nice and its in the back of my mind.
I just hope that I'm not in for too much heartbreak. There are a couple of blips on my love radar at the moment and, sweet Jesus, I'm praying one of them works out. I finally found a guy that, holy mother in heaven, I'd smooch in about two seconds flat. I think he has issues of his own though and have a feeling there is something keeping him from seeing me in any sort of romatic light. He's a great guy though and has a lot of potential in the relationship department.
More importantly, I feel like I'm the type of girl he needs to make that commitment with, but I don't know that he'll actually realize it. I hope to God he does, but in the meantime I'm left waiting. The sucky thing about that situation is that while I'm waiting for his sorry ass to have an epiphany, I'm leaving myself closed off to other potential love prospects.
Can you freaking believe this? Yes, you heard right, I am seriously waiting around for a guy. Never in a million years did I ever think I would be capable of such a thing, but I sort of met the right one, maybe not "the" one, but the right one that I want to spend time with and now I'm willing to wait. I'm actually willing to make an effort and not write him off immediately as per my usual habits. Whether this waiting process will result in happy times for me or will eventually result in me getting over the feelings I have, I don't know. For now, I'm okay waiting, and pining and praying and hoping beyond belief, I think....
Holy shit. I'm one pathetic excuse for an independent woman. But, everyone has their weaknesses, right?
So, yes. There is lots of new and exciting stuff on the horizon for me. I feel like 2005 is going to be a year of changes that will encompass and positively enhance my professional and personal life. New beginnings are good and 2005 is a year for me to really get out there and put myself out there. You never get anywhere without change or trying and its time for me to make the concious effort to do so.
You may think this is some sort of resolution, but its really not. Its just a concentrated effort I'll be making to better my life and take advantage of all the new opportunities headed my way. In short, its not some short lived fad, its a lifestyle change.
All righty then! Lets get to it 2005! I'm more than ready for you!
ted-ted at 10:12 a.m.